Friday, June 17, 2005

Single and ready to mingle :-))

The fast few minutes as I was looking blank at the wall in front and moved towards the vending machine I began surmising and trying to contemplate..what am I doing here..I mean who is this entity that is making me go all whirlwindy and why is she so significant to me..most of the thoughts here are impromptu and am juss leting words flow the way they are channelizing in my brain..juss to feel lighter in the end of the day.........
Ok for easy reference and just to create an entity out of nowhere will name her person I really envy is Othello and how he took away Desdeomona from all the single men like me ..I guess in that sense Robbie Williams was right when he sings " All the best women are married, the handsome men are gay" so true..all the good women are hooked up one or the am juss trying to draw a mental picture of how a match would be this is in not-so-succinct self how Desdemona and yours truly have things in common...lets see who fits this zany bill:

Desdemona and I share the same passion for sports,ok she may not be the ideal leftback that I want for my team but the very affinity is strong and need not be the real one, on the field, out sweating to feel the passion of the game...its the involvement with the players, the way we cry when Goran lifted the trophy gifted by the Duchess of Kent..the way we jump in air together when Nadal falls to the ground after hitting an ace against Federer...its these lil and terse moments like this that I share with this gal...miles away sitting on different homes with diff people is what matters to me more than the next guy watching TV alongside me who is totally reaction less...though we may have never seen each other, I knw it when our involuntary actions and sinews draw blood the same length at the sight of a sporting spectacle..this event is unprecedented in my life.hence i like this gal of my idiosyncracies, Desdemona....

Desdemona and I share the same abhorism for corporate correctedness..we are like the two stallions that are being put into some Equesterian event for the French bouregiose when we are meant to be straddled for the Rodeo..its like we are the right ppl landing up in the wrong place..not that we will burn out and fade like a Kurt cobain and attain nirvana..we will fight this big bad world and carve out our own niche typical Peter Pan's style we are in the process of "finding our neverland" and building a place around us that is full of highs and lows..sorrows and laughters..cause our smiles wud lose half their charm if we had not cried the previous night...can say we both have a magical surrealism or in Belgian painting style the magical realisim in us...hence i like this gal.....

Desdemona and I share the same fate that is going to strike us in a few years time...more so in my case than her lovely in a few years time we will soon have wrinkles striking down our forehead..but one thing that will remain a virgin patch will be our underlying zeal and enthusiasm for life...we never seem to grow at all...we are still these kiddos at heart who like to play pranks, like to hop and skip much like hansel and gretel and if wanna scream without a second thought wud scream out real loud...without a second opinion on it...She and I, both at different points of times have some youthful exuberance and penchant for doing things, that we really like, that is never gonna feels good to know a gal who along with me, if John Milton or a Hemmingway had seen would have never quoted "life begins at 40" cause in our case life has begun, and kinda halted once we reached juvenildom..we both might be found sitting with the honchos, sipping the proudest of Bourdeaux wines( though hopefully I will continue refraining), talking abt the latest Chinese economic policy that is creating South Asian Crisis, but,but deep inside if u cud hear us all we are wishing when we look at the sky is: when can we juss take off all these complex affiliations and dance n wet ourselves in the rain?hence i like this gal Desdemona so much...

Desdemona and I share the common misfortune of going thru some bad relations..geting all black and blue over..but still coming out wiser..saddened, yup..we both, I guess go thru those moments when we juss sulk in the corner with our heads down crying over what went wrong..trying to re-evaluate but in the end forget it all, wipe away those tears and come out in the open like we are ready for a photo-shoot. Most of our sorrows we stick to ourselves..cause we believe our past can't be allowed to rule our present and future..and we have not lost hope as of now..cause with hope springs new life..and so we trudge on..rem the charge of the light brigade..we knw there will be far worse experiences and travailities coming our way in the near future, but moving on with our eyes wide and facing each battering will only make us wiser and stronger..and so do we then..hence i like this gal so much.....

Actually I can go on and on..I don't care if she is 100% truth or the fixation of my imagination..whether I want her to reciprocate or am a firm believer that wats on the mind should be in the will she react is not in my mind..and of course how can I forget that she is too cute and sweet a gal as well...can't give undue disrespect to the physical self as a guy..hence I like this gal so much...

Desdemona if you read this blog of mine, please do the needful and reply :-))


Monday, June 06, 2005

Shodhyatra:Impressions on my mind

(Shodhyatra was a course in IIM Ahmedabad that dealt with traveling to the hinterlands and the mesmerizing valleys of the Kangra Valley in Himachal, learning and reflecting through out-of-class discussions and interactions)

Shodhyatra has been an eye-opener in so many ways that to reflect on it properly has taken me a year and I am still getting in terms with how things have changed around me. This reflective note will not have an exact structural form as one is used to seeing; as whatever has captivated my mind in the course is also unstructured and I am letting them flow out in discrete quanta. So will try to retrace the steps I took during the course and the lessons and observations I made; some divulged to the group, some not, and make sense out of the idiosyncrasies and meanderings in my mind that still remains one year after the course has ended.

At the start of the course when Anil Gupta, our course instructor had a talk with us in one of the classrooms explaining to us how different this course is going to be; could not help but be reminded of how bollywood directors like Pooja Bhatt term her new movie to be different in Mid-Day when we are not gullible enuf we know what is in scope when you have a Dino Morea and a Kashmira Shah in the starcast. He started off saying how we should be prepared for the unexpected to happen and how in dire straits we come up with innovative and breakthrough derivations. As I glanced across the class I could find a lot of frowns and dejection in some of the students who felt that on a trip to the hitherto unventured territory one should not be in a position to confront such forms of problems. I was like …duh…have you not seen the latest episode of Fear Factor or the Amazing Race! Just like Paris Hilton claiming to be in love again, this time with Paris (who is so so not like the Paris of Troy!!!), the trekker that I claim to be, kind of gave a wry smile at that. Back then, for me, the objective of the course was to visit places away from the humdrum of polluting environment and meet new faces along the way. The big picture of discovering oneself in a newer dimension and making personal breakthroughs and the ability to influence a few, no matter if its in a minute way did not struck me back then. Now slowly the entire thing is sinking in and am realizing that given the power of hindsight like always would have dealt each moment with more maturity and foresightedness. But nonetheless have learnt a lot from the course and some of my thoughts got reinforced, some got totally blown away and new thoughts started germinating in my mind. Somehow being away from the formal environment of the classroom, away from the Internet can make one’s mind go the Jonathon Seagull way and soar some distances and not think routine. Here we just redo all our activities, day in and day out without a least bit of annoyance and change of any form is frowned and distraught upon. So will be narrating more on some of my key learning that I have had as a result of this course.
Having been at those parts of India before, I always knew about the hospitality of the people and the way in which they embrace total strangers. The kind of embracing that they bring along and the benevolence they show can take one by surprise. It was so surprising for some of us that we actually started discussing if there was some ulterior motive in their acts. Even a case was cited when one school teacher, in whose school we were staying, had asked for some aid. But my take on this is that they are few and far between. Being in that school, seeing the way the tiny toddlers before entering their pathshala were bowing in acknowledgement, the great distances they traverse to attend the school has humbled me in some ways. Living in the city all my life, the kind of facilities I availed and the manner in which I was educated, at times I have taken education for granted. I wonder if I were in their place having to go through some of the same, if I would have had that in me to be so dedicated for so long. Probably yes, but the point is that the importance to gyan and thirst of knowledge should never diminish; all these years undergoing the same structured form of tests, exams, pedagogy, same old ways of cramming up stuff before the exams one’s mind was programmed and at times pre-programmed to be functional within a given set of parameters. Looking at those school kids at Boh has embarrassed me at my waste of time and use of mental faculty and this is one thing I am trying to improve upon.

The late night discussions that we had I could see myself opening up more and more cause I had the comfort zone of an instructor who has more welcoming and embracing than most I have met and also the fellow shodhyatris who I had been acquainted to in a more personal level. There were things that were really very personal to me and coming out with the events also reinforced me to come up with the thought that family is one thing that is constant and will never look down upon you. I think in that sense Baz Luhrmann is right when he says that family stays when friends and lovers go. Also being in the boarding school for most part of my life I had remained a bit unattached to the family; not that I did not feel affectionate or all. It was just that the bonding was not external. So at times I feel aligning ones goals to match those of the expectations of ones loved ones is also necessary, having the self-centred nature might make one famous, rise up in the ladder of tangible benefit-dom but having friends and close companions may be hard to come by.
During the personal interaction from Kareri village towards Dharamshala with our instructor I had so many confusing thoughts meandering in my mind. At one end was the long felt urge to be of some substantial help to society and bring in help in form of being involved and not mere kind or cash benevolence. And after doing the much bloated degree of MBA and seeing the lucrative means of achieving fame and personal glory one’s mind at times wants to take the easier path of choosing a career. A certain element of guilt strikes me when I see myself idling away my time and not contributing to the effort that so many leaders have carved out for making our place a more utilitarian society and for the cause of the have-nots. Am still pondering over that, to contribute my mite in a more productive manner, especially to the people back home. I feel I need to be in a position of certain degree of power and be financially well off to siphon off the funds towards providing start-up capital and catalyzing some small start-ups of people who are creative but have paucity of funds. That will go a long way in the youth of those parts not remaining disillusioned with the system and the unemployment situation will get reduced to a certain degree.
I also realized that networking and connecting with people could bring forth new dimensions. Before the start of the course there were around 15 people who I had not interacted with at a personal level and now after the course it seems like we have known each other for quite a while. What this new-formed relation that started during the commencement of the course has brought is that it has brought in the concept of the healthy debate and throwing up of topics of ambiguous interpretations. What these talks have led into is the fact that one has started to become more sensitive to others thoughts and look at both sides of the coin. At times, just taking one’s point of view might narrow down the options and channel of thought process so being open to newer ideas is always a welcome change for me.

This course when I look back on it was a time when one could understand one’s roots and the raw spirit involved. Many a lesson were learnt during the course, some were as important was the need for conservation of our heritage and ecosystem, some were as trivial was to lend a helping ear to the ones when we are in interaction.

Sunday, June 05, 2005

Confessions of an idle mind(from the deep forests of Assam)

Well its not my home..I wish it were..its a very desolete hinterland called Kajiranga, home to the one horned rhino..u know what... am helpling out some uncle of mine who is making a documentary on the endangered species..the ones who are not glamorous enuf like the cheetah,killer whale or the polar bear to be featured on Animal Planet but still are on the wrong end of the wrath of human expansion and are facing extinction..its juss his effort to create some awareness on these last vestige of flora and fauna(the laughing gibbon, the pygmy hog among a few) before they are lost in time...
Its a pity that probably its gonna be telecast at a time when it will have minimal audience; when most of us will be either watching the latest episode of some US sitcom or kahani ghar ghar ki types or busy partying in a Hyatt pub..but for want of anything else to do have decided to juss explore the terrain...
And hey before u think i am doing some fundoo management of resources and team building exercises of the crew(not that i claim to be good at it either) lemme tell u all the comfort and gyaan is out of the window..its like we have to lift those gargantuan cameras and film rolls and walk in murky waters thru reeds that are strewn across what the local people call 'palakh' and if my english serves me right is called a quagmire..i myself got dragged down waist deep a couple of times but the local guides are arnd to ensure that i live to see the local trains of here i am writing this piece at this hour:))...
And juss to reiterate sthing again..its the closest i can get as of now to my dream of being a National Geo xplorer...but at times i think its too tough and boring also..not at all comforting..more on it later...
About a desk job being boring lemme say the answer to that will come from my end in a few months time..if i dont burn out and fade will let you knw the mantra to success in corporate boredom :P....hmmm
Now that the burden of doing an MBA is out of the picture, probably u will find out a more open sort of person in me..I am like a siphon..very hard to draw out stuff in the beginning but when i do really am juss like the hansel and gretel or tom and jerry show.. too uncomplicated, can read my mind netime....
And hey about ppl being born professionals well gosh yes..mere batch main there were some fellas who were like..Good Lord..seedhe donald trump or amurdoch khandan se lagte the..hahaha..but its nice to see ppl motivated in doing most of the time demotivated with most things arnd me so nice to see change arnd me and all..lets see where my karma comes from..will play the waiting game here...And about having the best time of my life..yup in some sense..but was scared to the hilt at times cause our forest reserves are poacher bach ke rehna padta is ok..juss the occasional sickness due to bad weather and torrential rains in the forest..but am nowback where i can see more four wheelers than larks, so i guess am in safehands now..hurrah..only to have lung probelms due to the carbon particlesinhaled frm buses and autos :-))

Starters and More!!!

All the characters, role models and mumblings jotted in this piece are for real and any resemblance to anyone dead or alive, of any feeling is definitely deliberate and steadfast

Now I can officially be tagged as the weekend consultant!!! To the total antipodal of what the potpourri section of a page-3 glossy features, instead of being in a Mariott or a Hyatt whiplashing to the latest 50 cent or Darude number I was cross-tabulating product-wise profiles for a sector that is not even a sunrise one and is plummeting into troubled waters......well not that shaking a leg or two is my way of spending a weekend..its juss that I miss the option of doing sthing like that anymore...u knw the way how Meg Ryan in "When Harry met Sally" feels after she has broken up with her 5 yr bf and on being asked if she misses him..she says to her fren that she does not really miss him, but she misses the idea of a guy like him..juss like me, not that i really miss-miss weekends, i juss miss the idea of having one..when the art of power dressing on a Saturday night picking up the latest fades gives way to how to multi-task holding calls of clients and trying to bring up a straight face amidst drowsy ppt sessions..LONG LIVE THE CONSULT WORLD!!!! the only saving grace, ..hmmm...errrr... aehmmm...well will divulge it once i get to knw whats the silver lining( ok i may be exag a bit like a typical robert ludlum piece but thats where the fun in writin is na )

Like any other story of the West Side after much needed melodrama and cribbing starts the part where the protagonist goes a bit Descartes or a modern day Saki and tries to impression like a Raphael of the day gone by and the key influencers...was revisitng a movie called 'Veer Zaara' and like always it still gives me goose-bumps and brings on the what-if factor into the picture..the kind of love portrayed there, one might say is highly unlikely in these days of bluetooth-3G connectivity and cocktail bacchanalia but what if one can achieve sthing similar of that order. The amnt of sacrifice and unsullied love shown in the movie might have been out-of-place and imaginary but i bet smne somehwre out there also feels abt smne the same way Veer felt for Zaara and vice-versa...I mean, who wud have thought of man flying befre the Wright brothers made good use ot bernoulli's eqns or the way ppl thought birth was by default God's own right before things like Dolly and all startd popping out of nowhre..when we can think of stem cells doing wonders, us being not-alone in the universe( though i have to admit am sceptical of the SETI program ) do we not keep a glimmer of hope that there are certain things like what the movie showed that exist or can happen to ppl like us...

We are at a time when the latest radio bars have come up arnd the Colaba in Mumbai where u can have blind dates and keep changing dates each day; a time when a VJ becomes an Agent Love trying to play cupid and in the pretext of fixing up a pair together,she calls herself "Lady Love"..isnt it time that we stopped using the word 'L' altogether..cause if making one go thru the conveyer belt of a Habib's->Manish Malhotra->l'oreal make-up->prada accessories->dine at the Geoffrey's is an idea of setting up two ppl and calling it love then somewhere down the line we seem to have mistaken dates for sthing else.gosh...
If one goes thru Gabriel Garcia's "Love in the time of Cholera" one wud find that a person had the will in him to wait for his valentine for more than half a that same time-frame Liz wud have had a full rugby team of hubbies...novel it is, we read it, feel senti but unlike wat a certain Mr. Bacon said centuries ago find it difficult to devour it..reason being either/or/neither of: no time,no motivation,do not believe in it, believe in it but think its a hadrian's wall,never met never will,been-there-done-that eshtyle...etc....but the kind of feeling and emotions one goes thru like a Veer or a Zaara is sthing that is totally celestial..among a bunch of guys this topic might be out of scope and not relevnt as the affinity is not even covanent-bonded in this case but am sure at some part of the juxtapostion of our arteries we sure wish, even terse what if i were to experience sthing like this..tht moment may or might not come but the anticipation is always there..

We all like songs, some of us hum, some croon, some try to relate at times..i try to relate at some discrete moments to certain songs..ever wondered why do we like certain songs, is it because we relate or like to relate to it or like all dreamers we are all in search of finding our neverland.I will sign off with one of my wonderlands..ok befre i leave, juss one that disturbed me when I heard Martin Luther say in a rather gloomy History channel piece

"If one cannot pin point or figure out one thing in life that is worth dying for, then there is little value in life as is living for"

Look at us spinning out in the madness of a roller coaster
You know you went off like a devil in a church in the middle of a crowded room
All we can do, my love is hope we don't take this ship down
The Space Between where you're smiling high is where you'll find me if I get to go
The Space Between the bullets in our firefight
Is where I'll be hiding, waiting for you
The rain that falls splash in your heart ran like sadness down the window into...
The Space Between our wicked lies
Is where we hope to keep safe from pain
Take my hand cause we're walking out of here
Oh, right out of here love is all we need here
The Space Between what's wrong and right
Is where you'll find me hiding, waiting for you
The Space Between your heart and mine
Is the space we'll fill with timeThe Space Between...

A slightly demented N